How do you support your parent’s aging when visiting or talking with them?
As our parents age they often become less conversational, but I can assure you they still want to spend time with you. I have had many families say to me their mom or dad isn’t talking much when they visit. This happens in the aging process for a variety of reasons. With a little planning you can have successful visits and/or conversations that leave you both feeling encouraged and connected.
Be prepared with conversation topics. Ask direct questions. Most elderly like topics that work their way to sharing personal stories and memories.
At Beach Homes we have books for conversation triggers made especially for the elderly. Books on trivia, jokes, riddles, wedding traditions, popular songs from earlier times, name 10 (10 things you might see at a Christmas party?,10 things you might see at a wedding shower? Or baby? ect). Choose topics that you think your parent might respond to.
Our goal is to start with an idea or topic that leads to sharing and interaction. It is not a rattling of questions but an opportunity to have sharing and interaction on both sides.
Ideas for conversations:
• Favorite topics; travel, fishing, camping, history, fashion, music, art, cars, many love to tell stories of the old days but you need to have specific questions to jog the memory.
Did you ever fish? What is a favorite birthday you remember? What was a holiday tradition? How did you meet your spouse? What was a favorite place you traveled to? What food was your specialty? Did you ever…
You just fine tune this to the things your parent has been interested in.
We have a “birthday form” that we talk about during a resident’s birthday celebration called “favorites” to help give the celebrant special attention.
Favorite flower, color, food, ice cream, dessert, place to travel, prayer, song, ect. We often go around the table and ask others to share so it is interactive.
Sometimes is is hard to talk with your loved one because of dementia or hard of hearing. They still enjoy your presence. This may involve just doing something together or being together. Even for those who can conversate sometimes they want to be quietly together.
Activities:
• A walk outside in the neighborhood; walking or use a wheelchair. This is such a simple pleasure that many elderly are not safe to do on their own.
• Sit outside on the patio.
• Watch a movie together or tv show.
• Look at picture books of some of their favorite things.
• family photo albums, picture books of national parks, places, animals, cars, airplanes, fashion; whatever your parent’s interests might be.
• Do a chore together; like fold napkins, washcloths, sorting, cut coupons, put coins in coin holders from bank, roll yarn. These are good for those with dementia who like to be busy but have too short of memory for things like books, tv, arts and crafts.
• If they like arts and crafts work on something together. I love to color with my residents. They have beautiful adult coloring books now.
• Read to them. Many love poetry, quotes, jokes, short stories.
• Bake or cook something with them. Bring them in the kitchen.
For those who are willing to put their parent in a car and take them out:
• We live in such a beautiful area; take them for a drive. Do you remember that in the old days a car drive used to be a social event? I have found especially those with dementia love a drive. It is easy on them. One of our client’s favorite activities is driving to see the Christmas lights. You don’t even have to get out of the car.
• Take them to a restaurant for a meal, a dessert, a snack, coffee, ice cream. Everyone loves this special treat to get out of the house.
• If you are willing to get them out of the car; the mall, a park, Costco. Elderly are very isolated so getting out and about and seeing people is often a treat. Don’t be afraid of using a wheelchair. It is a tool for getting your parent out and about easily and for longer times and distances than they might be able to walk. If you don’t have one call us. We always have extra to lend.
One of the things I love most about my work is talking and learning from our elderly people. We have had some amazing, wonderful, interesting, enjoyable people at Beach Homes over the years. We have talked about the depression, the presidents, WWII, how California used to be, the Oklahoma run, earthquakes, and on and on it goes. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to get to know your parent.
It all seems obvious but it is a matter of being intentional for a successful visit.
Enjoy!
