Most people need care before they die

It seems obvious but I can’t tell you how many families have come to me frustrated saying “I never thought this would happen to my mom”. They thought their parent would live out their years in their own home. They did not expect the hard conversations and time of their parent needing care but refusing care. They did not expect the guilt of “pressuring” their parent into something they really didn’t want even know it was for their own good. They didn’t expect the toll it might take on their own life in stress, fatigue and worry.

The reality is at some time during the aging process almost all elderly will need some level of care. This is not an unusual case. This is the norm.

This reality is not only unexpected by families it is also unexpected by the aging parent. People outside the “elderly industry” just really don’t know what the aging and dying process looks like. Until the time comes when they are dealing with it firsthand.

The need for care can be for a period of months or years. Some elderly persons may need to move more than once. They might first live at a large community that is mostly social but provides some daily services and meals. They often need to move again when an elderly person needs more personal care and oversight. Our clients live with us on average from three to six years. Eleven years was the longest. This is not a short amount of time. Families are not prepared for or experienced to know that an elderly person may need to move more than once to accommodate their changing needs. It is difficult to make good decisions in care for your parent when the expectation of need and time is not correct.

Assisted living communities are needed because most of us are not able to care for our aging parents. Caring for the elderly with needs be it physical or cognitive is a full-time job, usually day and night. Our clients need help with showering, toileting, transferring, oversight for those with dementia, meal preparation, laundry. Every one of our clients would not be able to live alone.

Most elderly need years of personal care before their death. A person does not go from active and social to death. There can be a very long in between time. When you have a better understanding of this process, the work involved, and timing you can prepare a better plan for your family.